Scorpio Babies Are Getting Roasted Ahead of Valentine’s Day

Ah, Valentine’s Day. A time for chocolate-covered strawberries, cheeky candy hearts and awkward office flirting. But anyone who’s anyone — or at least anyone who regularly consults their Co-Star app — knows the real reason for the season is actually dunking on Scorpios. Though we are technically in the throes of Aquarius season, the famously amorous month of February is a suspicious nine months out from November, also known as peak Scorpio season. And all the zodiac’s loudest cynics have a message for you lovebirds out there: Stop making Scorpio babies. Or else.

While it’s somewhat ironic that, as we approach the day of love, the overriding energy from astrology enthusiasts is military-grade hostility, there’s no denying that the “Please wear a condom on Feb 14 I hate Scorpios” tweets and others like it have been rolling out in full swing. And anyone born between October 23 and November 21 is advised to take cover.

During no other time of year is it more apparent that Scorpio is one of the most maligned signs, burdened with negative stereotypes that mostly revolve around sex and dating. Scorpio is often slandered as the “most sexual” sign, but also the most cryptic and hardest to read. An old article claimed “dating a Scorpio isn’t for everyone,” while another called Scorpio “the most difficult” sign, up there with Gemini and Sagittarius. (The shade!) Among the keywords to describe Scorpios are “sensual,” “vengeful” and “scary.” Plus, there are entire guides to dating Scorpio men (a list that includes such baddies as Frank Ocean, Adam Driver, Leonardo DiCaprio, Drake and Ryan Gosling), an act that plenty of people have sworn off completely.

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And sure, are some of these stereotypes potentially based on the coincidence that the hot upstairs neighbor who ghosted you on Labor Day didn’t invite you to their birthday/Halloween party? Maybe. But to many people on the internet, smearing Scorpios is a lifestyle. And this time of year is basically their Christmas.

In truth, sizing people up based on their star sign is never a good look, and many would say astrology is a deeply flawed way of categorizing entire groups of people who otherwise share little in common. That being said, all Scorpios are hot and I will not be taking questions at this time.

As a proud Scorpio myself, I say, get your freak on this V Day. But still use protection — not to prevent any future Scorpio babies, just to be responsible.