Behold: The Most Extravagant of Date Plans

Full disclosure: your wallet’s not gonna like this date. But if executed properly, it’ll result in a very happy lady (or fella), some spiffy new threads for yourself, top-notch entertainment for a good cause and some quality R&R at a swaggy beach pad. So you know, make allowances. Here be your blueprint:

Step One: The World’s Most Opulent Yard Sale
Begin by grabbing two tickets to Super Saturday. You may not have heard of it, but bet the missus has. Hosted by Donna Karan and Kelly Ripa, it’s a daylong, celeb-studded sample sale in the Hamptons with just about every top designer peddling their wares at basement prices. And not just stuff for the ladies — last year your correspondent copped himself a nice Black Fleece kit for next to nothing.

Nota bene: if you really want to go ape, hit up Gotham Air for a helicopter on-demand — gets you there in 35 minutes.

Step Two: Lord of the Galas
Next on your purchase list: two tickets to the Watermill Center’s annual benefit and auction, one of the swankiest (and most bizarre) events on NYC’s social calendar. The highfalutin’ saturnalia features over-the-top installations, performances and cocktails, all capped off with a seated dinner in the middle of the Center’s leafy eight-acre site. Check out pics of last year’s bash to get an idea (yes, that’s film director Jim Jarmusch on the guitar).

Step Three: Evening Accommodations
After the revelry dies down, make an overnight of it. For prime digs, check out our recent Summer Rental Guide, which not only has some stately beachfront digs in the area (including a compound fit for Tony Montana), but also a litany of handsome Upstate abodes should you be looking for other getaway opportunities in the coming weeks.