Man’s Guide to Christmas Eve

Even if you’re not reveling in capitalistic excess tomorrow, you likely will have the day off. And so will everybody else. So, today, on Christmas Eve, get your affairs in order. Have a drink. Relax. Like this:

Step One: Wake up. If you did not do this on a Casper mattress, grab your iPad and order one immediately. Best sleep of your life. Call it an early Christmas gift to yourself.

Step Two: Go to Egg Shop on Elizabeth St. for breakfast — you need gas in the ol’ tank. Order … whatever the hell you want. Very difficult to go wrong here. The Beast is tough to beat, though.

Step Three: Get your last-minute shopping done. In case you missed it, we made you a guide and everything. Yes, these places are open on Christmas Eve. You’re welcome.

Step Four: Booze pit stop. Grab yourself a bottle of Black Velvet Toasted Caramel Whisky and a bottle of apple cider. You’ll be out the door for under twenty bucks.

Step Five: Wrapping presents is a burn. Take yours to Paper Presentation on 18th St. and let them do it for you. And while you wait …

Step Six: Booze pit stop redux. You’re right around the corner from Union Square Cafe, and this looks to be the last holiday season for Danny Meyer’s 30-year flagship before they close next year. Pop in for a dram.

Step Seven: Might as well take this time to send your friends a Christmas GIF via email. We suggest Cousin Eddie, caroling Gremlins or Arnold laying waste to a group of Santas.

Step Eight: Dinner. Corkbuzz is doing the traditional Feast of the Seven Fishes at their new Union Square location with wine pairings, Red Rooster is putting on a traditional Swedish Christmas repast up in Harlem (with live jazz downstairs at Ginny’s afterward), and West Vill fave Rosemary’s is doing a full pig roast. Or you can, you know, cook.

Step Nine: Nightcap. Take the cider and throw it on the stove, tossing in some cloves, cinnamon and nutmeg if you’ve got them. Once hot, ladle it into your favorite mug and top it with the caramel whiskey. Throw InsideHook’s Merry Chrismix on the hi-fi.

Step Ten: Visions of sugarplums.