Gentlemen: there’s a good chance that you are — or have at some point been — a dog.
You’ll hear no judgment from us.
But there comes a time and a place when every dog must reform, as evidenced by “One Vagina Forever,” an advice series for Live FAST Magazine by L.A. writer Cotton Walters.
His new book, Buttplug, serves as a sort of playbook for the reluctant monogamist (it also features some Picasso-esque, NSFW etchings by illustrator Alphachanneling). So we sat down with Walters to talk about dating many women, dating one woman, and the reasons he felt compelled to finally graduate from one to the other.
InsideHook: What does “one vagina forever” mean?
Cotton Walters: It came from my fiancée teasing me. After I proposed, she teased me: “Are you sure? You now have one vagina forever.” And I thought that was funny. We talked about everything so she knew my history. It was playful teasing but it was also some slight fear that one woman wouldn’t be enough.
IH: How did you reassure her?
CW: I’m crazy in love. I assuage that fear on a daily basis by telling her that I love her. I write about it constantly and talk about the joys of monogamy and commitment.
IH: What are some of those joys?
CW: I think at a certain point it’s having someone you can have such candid conversations and be brutally honest [with] and not have a fear of them running away. In terms of monogamy, we just don’t want anyone else.
IH: How does your book speak to this ethos?
CW: I think Buttplug is just a fictional metaphor for allowing someone in, in a big way.
IH: Can you talk about your transition from many women to one, which is an ongoing theme in your writing?
CW: I don’t want to persuade people to be monogamous. I just want people to be honest with the people that they’re engaging with. And when I was sleeping around, I was very honest with the people I was with and they appreciated that. I think it was great training wheels for moving into a monogamous relationship. We have very difficult conversations, tricky situations where honesty ends up making it better and the relationship deeper. I fully believe that women — and people in general — respond to honesty and find it attractive.
IH: How did you come to feeling this way? Obviously, you didn’t always …
CW: I had another relationship, with someone who was brutally honest with me. She told me that she liked me but would never be in love with me, and then I was in a new role and could recognize that she had more power. It was a new dynamic for me, and that was eye opening. In the past, I’d lie to a girl so I wouldn’t hurt her feelings, and that never ended well. I’ve hurt my fair share of people, and that never felt great.
IH: What’s it like writing sex advice for women?
CW: It’s so fun. I feel like I get to say a lot of things I wouldn’t say face to face.
IH: What makes you a so-called expert?
CW: I wouldn’t say I’m an expert or a marriage counselor. I’m coming from this as a novice, that guy you swiped right with who happens to be honest. I grew up without a dad, but with a mom and her 14 friends and aunts. I’ve been obsessed with chasing women since I could remember, holding my girlfriend’s purse when I was seven and she was jumping rope. I’ve been in lots of different relationships. I feel like Buttplug is about letting go of the power struggle that dominates relationships. That’s the best thing I’ve learned: if you’ve found the right person, you can let go of the power struggle, where one person is always trying to convince or reassure the other person that they’re in love with them.
Buttplug is available now via Live FAST.
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