How to do Doggy Style Better: Sex Tips

In the immortal words of 2 Live Crew: “Face down, ass up, that’s the way we like to fuck.” Or that’s the way some of us like to, anyway. While doggy style sex regularly ranks high on lists of best sex positions and generally enjoys a better reputation than its arguably stodgier, less cool cousin, missionary, I’ve never been a huge fan myself — to the extent that I’ve often wondered whether everyone else actually likes it as much as they pretend to or if we all just want to sound cool.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than willing to believe that most men like hitting it from behind as much as they say they do, but as a vagina-having woman, I’ve often been skeptical of other vagina-havers who claim to have a pronounced enthusiasm for doggy. Whether fairly or not, I’ve always seen a woman going out of her way to declare doggy style her favorite sex position as a sure sign she’s a pick-me girl. She’s not like the other girls: she actually likes beer, sports and having her cervix pounded while trying not to suffocate in the pillow her face is currently stuffed into. She doesn’t need all that silly humanizing intimacy or physical comfort that boring, uptight girls are always demanding in bed, she’s just glad you’re having fun railing her in a position named after a literal animal.

I realize that in decrying other women as pick-me girls for simply enjoying a very standard sex position I am perpetuating the internalized misogyny at the heart of pick-me-ism and essentially just trying to establish myself as some kind of reverse pick-me girl who isn’t like the other girls who aren’t like the other girls because I hate doggy style sex, but I do. I tend to find it physically uncomfortable, sexually unsatisfying, mentally unstimulating and emotionally unfulfilling. Also, I don’t like dogs that much. So, after years of grinning, bearing and dutifully arching my back, I’ve decided I’m simply never having doggy style sex again.

Or so I thought, until I started having better doggy style sex.

Turns out there’s a lot more to sex from behind than the traditional down on all fours, arched back, face down, ass up doggy. This sex playbook staple encompasses a wide range of varieties and modifications that can include pretty much any version of penetrating a partner from behind, many of which might improve or enhance the experience for one or both partners. And even if you and your partner both have no problem getting down in the traditional doggy, some of these tweaks and modifications might still be fun to try out. Below, sexperts share tips, tricks and hacks for making the most of this versatile position.

Make things a little more intimate

Doggy style sex is often thought of (and portrayed in porn) as a rough position marked by plenty of hair pulling, ass-slapping and hard, rapid thrusting — and it certainly can be! It doesn’t necessarily have to, though.

“It’s a position that doesn’t allow for much or any eye contact, kissing or caressing, so it can feel impersonal and lack intimacy,” says Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, NYU professor of Human Sexuality and a sexpert for LELO. To fix that, she recommends “taking little breaks from stroking to kiss, caress or look into each other’s eyes, [which] can add some softness and intimacy to the experience.” The penetrating partner can also “lean over and kiss [their] partner’s back or neck.”

Getting off your knees can also help. Lying down on top of your partner’s back (sometimes called the flatiron or flat doggy) can help supply the skin-to-skin contact and physical closeness some people find lacking in more traditional doggy positions, while also providing more opportunity for kissing and/or whispering sweet (or dirty) nothings into your partner’s ear.

In addition to enhancing intimacy, getting low can make the position more physically comfortable for both partners while also adding some much-needed clitoral stimulation for the receiving partner. “Lie on your stomach or be up on your elbows instead of hands, both of which require less arm strength and are easier on your lower back,” suggests Sofiya Alexandra, co-founder and co-host of Private Parts Unknown, a podcast exploring love and sexuality around the world. “I love these variations because there’s more friction between the penis and the vagina when they’re rubbing together close together with the bed in close proximity.”

Partners looking for more intimacy can also try spoon sex, because what’s more intimate than taking your go-to cuddling position, but making it sex? “ If you like the experience of your partner penetrating you from behind while you feel their body on your back, doing it on your side is a fun alternative where you have a lot more control over the angle of penetration and get your hair pulled and your neck kissed at the same time,” says Alexandra.

Depth control

While one of the things many people (particularly penis-having ones) might like most about doggy is the depth of penetration it can provide, super deep penetration might be exactly what puts a partner on the receiving end off from the position.

“The upside of doggy style — that it can offer deeper penetration — can also be its downside, so depending on how you and your partner fit together, it could potentially hurt, especially if the angle is hitting your cervix or you have a condition like endometriosis,” says Courtney Kocak, fellow Private Parts Unknown co-host.

“The most common reason that this position is uncomfortable or painful for the person with the vagina is because of the kind of deep stimulation that can happen in doggy style,” says Kenneth Play, international educator and sex hacker, and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series. “This position is likely to lead to cervical stimulation, which can be painful sometimes.”

Fortunately, there are a number of ways to control the depth that might make the position more comfortable for the partner on the receiving end.

“One modified position is while in the regular doggy style position (bottom person on all fours with knees spread, top person on knees entering from behind), the bottom person will put their knees together and the top will put their knees on the outside of the bottom’s knees,” says Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven, one of the largest online organic intimacy shops. “This will somewhat limit the depth that the top can penetrate.”

“Other ways to modify doggy style include having your partner stand behind you instead of kneeling, or laying all the way down with your legs pressed together,” says Kocak. “Both of these modifications limit your partner’s range of motion, which will likely make the position more comfortable.”

Incorporating pillows, whether specially designed sex pillows like Dame’s Pillo or just propping up a few bed pillows, can also help adjust an uncomfortable angle.

If, on the other hand, you and your partner are looking to go deeper, there are ways to crank up the intensity. “If you’re not someone who experiences this as painful, but is instead enjoying doggy style and want to make it even deeper, you can always put one leg up in a lunge as the giver,” says Play. “This usually increases the depth of penetration possible. Another fun trick is to have her give you her arms and hold onto them while you thrust.”

Let her take the reins

Again, while we typically conceive of doggy as an often dominant position with lots of railing, drilling and thrusting on the part of the top, that doesn’t mean the person being penetrated can’t take over the thrusting responsibilities, which might make the position more comfortable.

“Take the thrusting into your own hands … er, hips,” says Kocak. “Being the thruster versus the thrustee gives you more control and allows you to determine the speed and force of the penetration.”

Not only will this make the position more comfortable and enjoyable for the receiving partner, but the penetrator might just learn a thing or two.

“A good tactic is to have her do the movement and dictate what kind of angle, depth, and speed she likes,” says Play. “After a while of this, you should be able to get a feel for the kinds of movements she likes and replicate them so that it’s more comfortable for her.”

Don’t forget to lube up

As is always, always the case, lube, toys and foreplay are your friends.

“In a heterosexual scenario, if this position is painful for the receiver, the first thing to make sure of is that she is getting the proper stimulation, both physical and psychological, to facilitate arousal,” says Play. “Making sure she’s feeling safe and aroused and has had a few warm-up orgasms is a good idea.”

Another reason doggy style sex may sometimes be less than pleasurable for vulva-having partners is the lack of clitoral stimulation, so, as usual, don’t be afraid to break out a vibrator. “Touching your partner’s clit, having her touch her clit or using a clitoral vibrator like LELO’s Siri or Lily is very easy in this position and a great way to make sure she comes too,” says Vrangalova.

Last but not least, watch what you’re packing, and lube up accordingly. “Doggy style is one of my favorite positions, but it can go from super fun to ouchie real quick if your partner is hung. So just make sure you’re lubed up, and you’ve done the requisite foreplay before diving into a potentially rough position like doggy style,” says Kocak. “And as always, communication is key. If you need to take it slow or make an adjustment, don’t hesitate to let your partner know. It will be more fun for both of you that way.”