Did the Pandemic Make Our Butts Flat?

We’ve all heard of — and probably even experienced — “Zoom dysmorphia” at some point in the past year-plus of pandemic life. But while being forced to stare at our own pandemic-weary faces during endless Zoom meetings has taken an obvious toll on our feelings about those faces, it turns out that’s not the only body part we’ve been fixating on.

Zoom dysmorphia has been linked to an increase in cosmetic procedures, but newly released data from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons reveals our faces aren’t the only place we’ve been seeking improvement. While Botox and soft tissue fillers were the most in-demand procedures of 2020, the data also reveals a significant spike in butt implants, with the demand increasing by 22 percent from the previous year.

It’s no secret than an interest in all things ass has pretty much been on the rise since the Kardashians and their famous backsides first descended on pop culture years ago. But what about the pandemic, specifically, prompted such a sudden spike in demand for butt implants? As it turns out, the pandemic lifestyle many of us adopted — i.e., sitting around on our asses for months — may have taken a toll on those asses.

Speaking to Bloomberg News, dermatologist Ava Shamban pointed to a “general flattening of the buttocks” thanks to pandemic life as a possible cause of the increase in butt-plumping procedures. Shamban compared the effects of work-from-home culture on our behinds to “modern day ‘secretary spread.’” Essentially, we sat around on our butts so much we literally flattened them.

Of course, Shamban added, you can’t rule out the influence of social media. After all, what were we doing while we were sitting around on our asses all year? Staring at all the round, lifted, Kardashian-inspired derrières that have taken over the internet in recent years while we scrolled mindlessly through our social media feeds. “Presumably, seeing the higher, tighter rounder assets on social media or any number of reality distractions, had patients researching and ultimately scheduling procedures to give their bottom line a much-needed boost,” Shamban told Bloomberg.

Anyway, in addition to the many, many ways the pandemic may have fucked up your body — both cosmetically and otherwise — it probably also made your butt flat. But at least we don’t have to stare at our flat asses on Zoom calls.