How Can Men Make Penetrative Sex Better for Women?

If you are a person in possession of a penis, there’s a good chance that inserting that penis into an orifice is a fairly reliable way of achieving orgasm. Congratulations, that must be a lot of fun for you. Unfortunately, the same cannot generally be said for the non-penis-havers on the receiving end of that interaction, who are probably a lot less likely than you to climax from that simple physical interaction.

This inequality is a primary factor behind a little thing called the orgasm gap — maybe you’ve heard of it? The unfortunate reality is that most women do not regularly climax from penetrative vaginal sex alone. It’s just one of the many, many cruel jokes of female biology, and it’s not really your fault that simply putting your penis into a vagina — something that’s probably quite pleasurable for you — is often a lot less satisfying for the owner of that vagina. Fortunately, there is something you, a penis-having man, can do about it.

Actually, there are a few things. A recent survey conducted by women’s sexual health education and research platform OMGYES reveals the most common tricks and techniques women use to help make penetrative sex more pleasurable, and yes, you can use them too. Two of the most common themes? Less penis and less thrusting.

But wait, you might ask, aren’t “penis” and “thrusting” kind of two main ingredients in penetrative sex? Yes, they usually are. But sometimes less is more, and pleasurable vaginal intercourse for women is often one of those times.

According to the survey, 70 percent of women find “shallowing” to be an effective way of making penetration more pleasurable. The survey defines “shallowing” as “touch that stays just inside the entrance of the vagina,” which you may know as, “just the tip.” While deeper penetration may equal more pleasure for you, most women probably aren’t fantasizing about feeling your dick on their cervix, sorry.

That doesn’t mean you can never go deep, but if you do, it might be worth staying there for a while. “Rocking,” in which the penis stays inside of the vagina rather than thrusting, was another common technique, one enjoyed by 76 percent of the women surveyed.

Finally, the survey found “pairing,” using fingers or toys to stimulate the clitoris during sex in addition to penetration, is an extremely common and effective way by which women improve the experience of penetrative sex — but you already knew that, right?

Do you have to leave your days of deep thrusting behind you to be good in bed? No, of course not. Many women do enjoy deep penetration. But mixing it up a little and playing with different depths, angles and rhythms from time to time can help improve the experience for everyone involved. Your partner, and their cervix, will thank you.