Alec Baldwin, actor and award-winning Saturday Night Live member, decided to channel the commander-in-chief in a fake memoir, titled You Can’t Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story of My Fantastic First Year as President Donald J. Trump (A So-Called Parody). Baldwin has become well-known for his impression of President Trump on SNL.
The Hollywood Reporter got an exclusive book excerpt. It starts off by discussing inauguration day, with “everybody watching, everybody listening, not just the 2 million or 3 million there on the Mall but like a billion people all over America and all over the world, on TV and online.” He then writes about the other events of inauguration day, which were all very boring, and “a great example of why, until I came along, the American people were completely bored by politicians and government.”
Baldwin (aka Trump) then writes that on his first day in office, he wakes up to the “dishonest media” lying about the size of the inauguration crowd. “It was like bringing a beautiful supermodel home at night: You’re so happy, but then the next morning there’s a rotting corpse in bed. (A figure of speech. Although that did also actually happen to a friend of mine.),” the excerpt reads.
The next part of the excerpt is about Kellyanne Conway giving Trump a neck rub “the way Ivanka used to love doing when she was little” on his way to give a speech at the CIA.
Later on in the excerpt, Baldwin/Trump writes that he explores the White House, where the private living are is “much, much smaller than I’m used to,” and explains that his personal taste is “luxurious and continental, what Ivanka calls ‘more Abu Dhabi, less Alabama.’”
The excerpt ends discussing how Trump is sad that he can never buy the White House, and how his sons Donald Junior and Eric had offered to pay $430 million in cash for the entire complex. However, his sons don’t need to buy the White House because they’re busy expanding their hotels all around America — not that trump would know anything about that because he does not “currently control at all” The Trump Organization.
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