Sometimes, as the old ad campaign goes, you feel like a nut.
During said times, if you happened to have on hand almost all of the varieties of Blue Diamond almonds currently on the market, as a group of InsideHook editors did one night earlier this summer, all the better. Divided into three categories — Classic, Bold and XTREMES — those flavors, in no particular order, were: Cayenne Pepper, Wasabi and Soy Sauce, Honey Roasted, Toasted Coconut, Ghost Pepper, Sweet Thai Chili, Roasted Salted, Habanero BBQ, Spicy Dill Pickle, Smokehouse, Sriracha, Carolina Reaper, Salt ‘n Vinegar and Whole Natural.
Not wanting to let that opportunity pass we decided to taste each one of Blue Diamond’s offerings as a group, then anonymously score them as individuals before averaging those numbers to come up with a definitive ranking for all 14 of the flavors we had to work with. Here, this time in a very particular order, are those 14 flavors ranked from worst to first along with some tasting notes we recorded for posterity. It’s also worth pointing out that the worst Blue Diamond nut, which you’ll see below, is better than the best type of generic almond you’ll find for sale at your local convenience or grocery store. We learned that because we also had generic control almonds on hand that were chalky and well below the standards of a Blue Diamond nut.
14. Sriracha
“Tastes like tomato. No heat whatsoever. This is false advertising.”
“Ketchup. Least authentic flavor so far.”
“There are flames on the label, but no flames in the can.”
13. Whole Natural
“As far as raw almonds go, they’re fine.”
“A flavor is going to have to be empirically bad to rank below this nut.”
“These taste like they’re certified by the American heart association. Oh, they are.”
12. Ghost Pepper
“I didn’t find it to be that intense on entry, but the spice sticks around.”
“At the perfect level of spiciness if you want something hot but snackable.”
“There’s a savory aspect that’s missing from the Cayenne.”
11. Carolina Reaper
“I kind of enjoy them but by the end, holy shit.”
“It coats the whole mouth. Nose running. That’s the deep burn.”
“We have to be clear that it’s a novelty nut.”
10. Honey Roasted
“Want more flavor.”
“More sugary than honey.”
“There’s usually a glossier glaze on a honey-roasted nut.”
9. Toasted Coconut
“Might be some vanilla in there.”
“I like the subtlety of it.”
“I thought I would hate this and now I’m considering going to the bodega for some ice cream.”
8. Habanero BBQ
“Emphasis on the mesquite, but the signature slow burn of the habanero leaves me wanting more.”
“Still waiting for the military-grade stuff that kicks the flavor up a few notches.”
“Underrated nut.”
7. Roasted Salted
“Blue Diamond makes a good nut, so even Roasted Salted is a high-quality everyday almond.”
“Crispier and has a better texture and mouthfeel than our control nut.”
“Never heard mouthfeel applied to a nut before.”
6. Spicy Dill Pickle
“I like the balance of spice and pickle. Sometimes pickle-flavoring is too briny.”
“Not a pickle fanatic, so I’m fine with the amount.”
“Pleasantly surprised by how subtle the pickle flavor is.”
5. Smokehouse
“An underrated classic. Smokehouse has a good dust.”
“A lingering smokiness.”
“Jerky is prevalent and a little salt.”
4. Sweet Thai Chili
“Do you actually taste any sweet? You taste the chili, but it’s not spicy.”
“Inconsistent flavor.”
“It’s a one-note flavor.”
3. Cayenne Pepper
“Rich, mahogany color, noticeably darker than the others so far.”
“Spicier than anticipated.”
“An ominous red dust.”
2. Wasabi and Soy Sauce
“That’s a fast-acting nut. A good dust.”
“It does that thing where you can start to feel it in your sinuses.”
“Noticeable film of seasoning.”
1. Salt ‘n Vinegar
“There’s a weird point of pride: they taste like easter egg dye and I like it.”
“The New York State Fair ‘Speedie’ Chicken of nuts.”
“It’s the best one. If I have to evacuate my home, it’s coming with me.”
More Like This
This article was featured in the InsideHook newsletter. Sign up now.