How Not to Fall on Your Ass

Because life doesn’t come with an instruction manual — and if it did, men wouldn’t read it anyway — we present Three Steps, an occasional series of how-to illustrations to help you manage challenging situations with aplomb.

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Chicago, like a ’90s one-hit wonder, is all ice, ice baby.

Hanging from your eaves. Freezing your beard. And — most menacingly — black and slick underfoot.

Built to spill, these streets are.

Thusly, to save your caboose from an untimely sprawl, we present a serious piece of lifestyle journalism we call How Not To Fall On Your Ass This Winter.

Now that you know, two more quick PSAs:

First, buy the right boots.

You may remember our winter boot guide. Use it.

Secondly, be a good neighbor and salt your sidewalks.

If you’re safe, we’re all safe.

Or at least upright.